The last couple of years have been really tough for me, mentally and physically. I have issues with my body, like many others and I also have a complicated relationship with my mind, like many others. I am not the type of person who likes to spout off about how we all have mental health issues, or body image issues or whatever else. If that’s your bag then I’m cool with that but I would like my blogging journey to be about my own personal growth and goals.
I feel like I don’t need to step into the detail bracket of my life for you all to understand because, well, lets face it, suffering is enough without needing to relive and relay to everyone. Harsh? Maybe, but I say it with love. My bag, my thing, my role, is to help please myself and help inspire others to take on some of the same attitudes that I have adopted in order to really be happy with one’s self and also, with ones own life and journey. I advise not all of the same attitudes should be adopted at this point due to me also having the tendency to be an asshole at times which I am trying to not be, I really don’t mean to be but some situations make me feel like I need to be an asshole in order to get my point across where in fact, I can’t control someones opinion of me and therefore shouldn’t fucking care.
My journey starts today, right here, right now. I know what I need to do in order to help me achieve the goals I want to achieve. I have come up with a list of goals that I am aiming to get to within the next couple of years, but it really depends on how long my journey is going to take and how I want it to be directed and that is one thing I do not have control over, YET.
• Always be happy with who I am
• Always be happy with the decisions I make
• Always remember that no matter what happens in life, I love me
• Always make sure I surround myself with positivity
• Fuck the neg trolls (negative people) the Debbie Downers and the people, things and situations that darken that lovely happy place we like to called self-worth and respect
I lied, my journey started two weeks ago when I had another run in with my inner depression state, I call her Gennifer, and I didn’t want it to be like the last time I went down this path, so I decided to enrol with a therapist to help me be more self-aware and to respect myself first and foremost. The sessions have been amazing, and it really is silly but, sitting in a small room, with a bloke you don’t know and happily telling him all your thoughts and secrets really is empowering for some reason. We have had loads of chats about different styles of therapy and different approaches and attitudes towards therapy and even though it has only been a couple of weeks, I have really taken to it. He has said he doesn’t think I will need many sessions as I come across as someone who wants to learn and get better, mentally and physically. To that I say, Hell Fucking Yes!!!!! Who doesn’t? Who wants to feel like shit all the time? To be in a mood that even YOU don’t understand why? Why wouldn’t you want to make yourself, not so much better as we all know that is a very long process, but who doesn’t want to be more self aware and take all the advice to help make living with Gennifer that little bit easier.
So, fast forward to Saturday just gone, I am at home, having a lovely easter weekend with my husband, but still, in the back of my mind I still don’t feel strong, I am still emotional but I suppress these feelings and bottle them, remove them to nice little space called memory cave and it is there where they stay until the cave is too full and I have to face something to make more fucking mental space for all the shit whizzing around my bat shit crazy mind. I love Instagram, I am a massive fan and I am on there most minutes with silly little updates about my life. That is something I feel helps me, to be expressive but for no-one other than me. I understand the concept of social media, but with a limited friend list, I can agree that my posts are not to be bragging myself to the world, or most members of my slimming world group. So, on Instagram, I follow this lovely man I know from Bude, Cornwall. I don’t know him well but I know that he has been having a bad time as of late and his post on Saturday really caught my eye. He posted a picture of a book titled, The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving A Fuck by Sarah Knight. I was intrigued, I had to know what this was about, especially underneath the title there was a small caption that read,
“How to stop spending time you don’t have doing things you don’t want to do with people you don’t like”
WOW!!! This was basically my calling, my white feather moment, an epiphany. I needed to get onto this straight away, I needed this book. That very moment I search the tinter web for all types of online shops that had this wonderful nugget of hope and inspiration. I decided that, have countless bollocksy webpages that came up with everything OTHER than what I wanted, I would go out to the bookstore instead and purchase, like any other normal book lover would probably do. I walked in, found the book and BAM, the second book was there titled Get Your Shit Together, so I bought that shit too. These books have the most simplistic of covers yet gained and demanded a ton of respect and attention. The simplistic nature of a strategically placed swear word, really ensnared my senses. I knew this one was for me, not because of the idea behind it, but I have found I have struggled in the past with mindfulness books. I need to be convinced that what I am going through or feel, the author is on the same page. Ruby Wax had a great book and it was ok for the best part but I just didn’t connect well as her experiences were different to mine, the same can be said of Matt Haig’s book. I just didn’t feel a connection, level pegging feelings and understanding, you know? The kind we really want to connect with in the same way we pick up a book for pleasure and want to be whisked away to that same place on the page.
Any who, I am about half way through the first of the two book and boy oh boy, I’m like a new person already. Granted, this won’t work for everyone, but it does for me and she really encapsulates all the crazy thoughts that whirl around in my head, turns out, most others feel the same. There is a great self-help chart to get you on your way and some great pointers as to how to prioritize. I am expecting this book, and the next for that matter, to be a part of my life that I won’t ever want to give up. It has already had an impact and for that, I will be eternally grateful.
Once I have finished, I will write another post to update on some of her pointers but I advise all to go out, buy this book, use the library, borrow from a friend, just read it and feel empowered and then realise that our lives belong to us, YOUR LIFE BELONGS TO YOU and only we can make these changes and choices that ultimately lead to a happier life for us and to find that inner strength that we didn’t even know was there.